December 2009
home alone, dinnerless, friendless, and lacking...
Tumblr! I am officially tired of sitting at home in my pajamas all day, eating chocolate and pistachios, playing Band Hero, entertaining my cousins, and procrastinating. I think I need friends. Too bad I’m so picky and hard to handle. Typically by this point during a break from school when I get bored of doing nothing, I feel excited to go back to school. But this year, despite my extreme...
I am feeling awfully angry at nothing in particular right now. Actually, I think I’ve been like this all day but tried to forget about any shitty feelings by living in a blissed out, everything-is-quite-alright world. Now though, at this time of night when I’m not talking to anyone and the lights turn off and it’s time to sit back and think, I really sink into reality and...
I don’t understand my moods and my inability to say what I want to say.
One more episode of Skins and then I’m in depressed mode until the end of January. February, probably.
jk itz jus a show why bug me so.
Today I MUST: -Shower. -Eat food, not chocolate. -Actually make Chrismtas cards, not just cut and glue random things. -Spray my boots before I forget. -Persuade my sister to come home. -Ask my sister what she wants for Christmas. -Tell my sister to go get our parents a Christmas present from me. -Feel guilty for not being a thoughtful daughter. -Eat jellybeans in the basement. -nd u no, other...
I came on here to say that I wish I could tumble from my phone. That is all. I will go back to my perfectly lit room where excellent music is playing, and continue to cut up colourful paper and glue nonsense to nonsense.
I feel so excellent and soft and carefree.
My sister was just tagged in a picture on Facebook where she was at a party, wearing my pajama shirt. I guess I have trendy pajamas.
“f u dad I’m smiling because my phone looks funny” is going to fail soon enough.
sUsPiCiOns.
WHAT IS THIS. I leave the TV for two minutes to you know, Google some shit, and my dad turned on boxing, which he has never in his life showed interest in, and yelled curse words at the TV from the kitchen while cooking. I am so confused as to what is going on, so I’m going to sit in here and let him do his guy thing. But seriously, boxing?! He is more of a Food Network guy.
I have so much to do, so many places to go, yet I am still sitting in front of this screen, looking like a dirty mongrel. Someone needs to push me to get up and go, or else I will sit here like this for two weeks. COME ON DAD, READ MY MIND.
My dad is walking around the house like a lost puppy, telling me that I need to get dressed and go shopping with him. But really, I’m quite content with sitting on Tumblr all day.
I don’t know though, maybe this once I should get up and do something when granted the opportuinity. What to do, what to do.
yaaaa we’re textin and I’m talking to you on here again yaaaaa It’s the place where I let things out for myself, and tell you things that are impossible to say over text. So, not being a shy little girl here. No mo no mo.
I’m feeling so insanely happy that I can’t even contain myself. I didn’t get to sleep until 4:30, and when I woke up this morning I really believed that last night was a dream. I had to check my phone several times to ensure that I didn’t just randomly text you in my sleep. I hate how I can’t think of anything to say when I have so much to say. Also, it’s hard...
I am so fucking sick of this family. I cannot handle this. I guess I could throw some clothes on and walk around the neighborhood or something. I don’t know, I don’t know, I just can’t be here.
This is disappointing.
I'm lying to myself right now.
Oh how much they know*.
I want to go back to bed. I don’t like being awake anymore.
This isn’t exactly possible because my parents will worry and interrupt my great dreams. They already think I’m doing drugs, depressed, in love, and too secretive. Oh how little they know.
I woke up at 12:10. Oh man, I feel so great.
Except, I vaguely remember waking up at 8:00 and hearing my mom scream that she’s leaving my dad, so I quickly went back to sleep. I cautiously got up just now and went to check on what the hap is, and apparently the fight has blown over. Such dramatic people, it’s insane. But they’ve been married for 29 years without conflict, so...
I’m getting a slight headache. All of this light and sound is starting to get to me. The thought of lying on cold sheets in a pitch black room with no sound whatsoever sounds so perfect right now. Hello lying awake until 4 in the morning thinking about insane things and a wonderful boy.
Shopping was successful today, I suppose. I got kind of obnoxious jeans, but they stood out to me in a way that only clouds in beautiful blue skies do. Alright, alright, this makes sense because the jeans are white and light blue and light blue and white, and kind of splotchy and weird. I got sophisticated/bad ass everything else: black leather ankle boots, a black shirt, a black and gray shirt,...
The light just flickered and I heard a bang. I’m in that wide eyed, frozen, oh-my-god-there-is-someone-in-the-house-coming-to-kill-me state.
I think I just said that out loud. Oh.
Oh, yeah, sure did. “WHAT’S WRONG!” Go away mommmmmmm.
Fuuuuuuuuuuuck!
I cannot stand this type of nervousness. It’s silly and needs to disappear because it is what’s holding me back from doing everything I want to do and saying everything I want to say. Some days the nerves hide for a while and I feel wild and invincible, but while I’m in that crazy state I am too much. So, I’m either a quiet, nervous loser, or a loud, obnoxious freak. Hmph,...
I definitely forgot that my mouse is wireless and requires batteries to work, so I nearly cried when my mouse suddenly stopped working in the middle of serious business. Bad, bad feeling for an internet dependent girl like me.
But, all is well now. I changed the batteries, I stood outside in a t-shirt and tights which does great things for my body and mind, I checked my phone and saw that people...
I am so lonely and sad. Maybe I shouldn’t have stayed home, Tumblr isn’t satisfying me right now.